Spring break ends, summer ends, school ends, your jar of Nutella ends up being a pickle jar, and that blue cookie box has sewing essentials now (relatable if you have an Asian mom) but dating season, THAT never seems to end. It’s like you walk into an ice cream parlour and the variety, oh the variety. Don’t you wanna try it all? But hold up!
Are you still stuck on that same boring vanilla? Want to move on to next but just can’t? Worry not my child, because I brought you some solutions today. Moving on might not be the most easiest thing to do as it is both emotionally and mentally draining but not impossible. To the most awaited blog of my blogging period, let’s get started.
- Say NO to Attention! Crave chocolates, pancakes, brownies, my mouth is watering, okay I’ll stop but do not crave for their attention. Absolutely, ridiculously, wisely, just don’t fall into that trap. Stop posting those sad, depressing stories, crying faces, those sappy romantic singles, STOP. That’s honestly more horrible than it sounds. Moving ahead, I spy with my stupidly sparkling eyes, inspirational quotes about moving on. Good Lord! Where do you even get those from? And after that, those over the top stories of being happy. You really think they believe that? (Two minutes of silence if you do). Isn’t your soul cursing you? For the love of Nutella, stop craving for their eyes and attention. It’s just not worth it anymore.
- Block It. Seeing them everywhere? From dear ol’ Facebook to Snapchat stories? Or maybe their number sitting on your dial pad, waiting for the call button to be pressed and an apologetic word vomit that you’ll later regret? You’ve got your answer in a big fat BLOCK.
Never found a better step
Well, this might not be the easiest thing to do but definitely the most important step. Get over all the times you’ve felt like an earthworm, crawling back to them or the times where you accidentally show up at the same places (Courtesy: Snapchat stories or map). Don’t worry though, or maybe just do because it is normal to do such things after a breakup but totally unhealthy for you and your future experiences, dating or not. So, as simple and as complicated as that, block them out from everywhere. Everywhere. Be it Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, their number, WhatsApp, heck even their email address. Just everywhere.
- Damn! those pictures. Now you’re in a 40 percent better position but there’s definitely more to cover. Tap your way over to your photos or gallery and you know what comes next, tough but not impossible. It’s like an uncontrollable urge that rises from the corners of your bones, you see a few cute pictures *gags*, those cute conversations *more gagging*, you start reliving those hugs and smiles. THAT, exactly that, is what ruins the progress. Get rid of those, not even a single one, as soon as possible (not even in your backup or recently deleted).
Inner bish: I know you can do this!
- Singles to Choirs. Now we’ll proceed from visuals to audio. Remember all those romantic singles they sent you? Maybe some sappy ones? Oh my, those romantic ones (the ones that lead to an instant waterfall, exactly those). Were they a sweetheart to create a playlist? Well, guess what sweet, they were not. Delete them. Right away. No second thoughts. The sooner this realisation hits you, the better. It’s time to trash up all those songs which acted like a setback in the disguise of a cure. Maybe some of them are your favourites now, but this distance will do you good and there are millions of other songs to favourite. So, don’t you worry, don’t you wor- Oops.
- Realisations and Closures. You won’t find peace until you find yourself. They were not the one for you, as simple and as complicated as that and it absolutely does not mean that there was something wrong with you or them too. This is what dating is about, I hope you remember that scene from ‘Dear Zindagi’, in case you don’t or haven’t watched that movie.
Have you ever went out to buy a chair? Well, when you start looking around, you’ll find a variety of chairs. Some tall, some short, some that catch your eyes but not the most comfortable, a few comfortable ones but not so appealing to your eyes and at last, you’ll find that one chair that fits your idea of right and is made for you. Not every chair is the one for you, but there is this one chair made just for you. Search doesn’t stop here.
You need to keep reminding yourself that you’re doing this for yourself and there is no one, I repeat, N-O O-N-E more important than that. You must realise that your self-worth is bigger than a good for nothing relationship. That, you’re strong and there is no better time to prove it to yourself. You’ve been through plethora of BS and hardships, but you’re still breathing and fighting. Cutting ties might not be that easy when you were on good terms but where a thread can save your grace, it holds the power to choke you too. If you wish to seek closure, don’t hold yourself back. Go get it and who knows, this might be the start of something better. For once, do something good for yourself rather than throwing a pity party.
- All is forgiven. Not everyone you’ll meet around the corner will be a saint and every sinner has a story. While holding grudges and revenge sound like a good idea, trust me on this, they’re not. It was the beginning of year 2016 when I realised that holding grudges is like planting thorns, initially you’ll be happy seeing it grow but, a time will come when you’ll come home to a thorn stuck in your hand and a heart full of regret. Honestly, one of the most wise qualities one can have. Not everyone who enters your life will stay in it, or always be a good part of it. You don’t have a say on whether you’ll get hurt or not and recapitulating the various events in my life, multiple times I’ve been hurt by people I couldn’t even dream of, of being put in such a position but I know one thing, it’s not worth keeping.
Why would I want a reminder of such events by not letting go?
Forgiveness is the key. A key to inner peace and an immense bliss. Remember it as a hard lesson and learn from your mistakes.
- A ship that won’t sink. Cutting ties with your ex-lover also means more times with the ones who had your back, your support systems, advice boxes, human diaries, shoulders to cry upon, free hugs, in simple language, your friends. If you can’t lighten up your mood then let your friends do it. Not even the best of the therapies can beat what your friends can do, if you can’t find distractions to keep your mind off from stressing then, they surely can. Feel free to share your feelings with your friend, it’s like a no judgement zone (especially when you have friends like me lol), don’t be afraid to spill out a tear or two. Spend more time with your mates, go out, maybe slide in a drink or two, enjoy yourselves and smile some real smiles.
- Heal. You’ll see them around, you’ll miss them or maybe close your eyes sometimes, to feel those moments replay, you still think about them a lot, their choices still affect you, on a whole, it just doesn’t stop. Honestly, don’t stress it too much because these things don’t happen overnight. Getting an internal wound is kinda similar to an external one, considering both hurt and leave behind scars (for the people who don’t get scarred for external wounds, I’m jealous right now), and both take time to heal. You can’t expect it to heal while you just keep on scratching it raw or touching it, or you leave it all alone, it needs to be treated. Especially these sensitive ones, slowly, with a lot of patience. Plethora of times we miss out on big things coming our way because our mind finds it hard to warm up to the idea of solitude, don’t plant regrets, for yourself. Realise that you got only one life, is this sad time and ignorance towards self, worth it? I would say, definitely nope. There are going to be times where you’ll find your resolve faltering, but that is exactly you’ll prove it to yourself that how strong you are as a fighter. Always remember, your fight doesn’t end, only does when you die and be mature enough to take the beating. Bathe yourself in self-love, pamper and spoil yourself and take your time to heal but just one thing, do not give up.
Furthermore, if you ever feel like you’re alone or maybe not your best, let me share my little mantra with you;
The strongest being to ever exist made me and brought me here, he resides in my bones and refuses to let me sink. He put me through my hardships and I shall seek his blessings for survival and strength, so that one day, I can draw myself out of my misery and bloom from my mistakes.
I hope this helped, keep reminding yourself that this is a gift, from you, to you. Gifts are gifts, and there’s no better one than happiness.
Well, that’s a wrap for this one. Have a great Diwali week ahead! (and please be safe with firecrackers and everything). Feel free to ask for or drop suggestions directly (email or instagram) or anonymously, would love to hear some.
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